The land of Golden Chersonese (Malaysia lah) is populated by some "impossible" creatures.
Like the mermaids of Natural Geographic, these are the creations of the backroom boys to boost ratings.
1. Ah Jib Gor
In a piteous and pathetic assay to woo the Chinese voters, Pm Najib went red and drummer, and assumed the Chinese sounding name of Ah Jib Gor (Elder brother Ah Jib)
However, failing to sense the mood of the moment because Umno has long lost touch with reality on the ground, that was a disaster in the making and duly rewarded with the expected.
The Chinese voters seeing through the pretense of their ill-informed suitor, rejected Umno/Bn en bloc.
And predictably like a suitor scorned, Ah Jib went irrational and ballistic, ill-advisedly launching his "Chinese tsunami yellow submarine"
That got as far as a submarine could go in a tsunami, Chinese or not - sunk to the sinker.
At least Ah Jib Gor still has his Campbell Alphabet Soup Kitchen to cook up some fast meals.
But he does seem to have to be wary now, and to look behind to see if anyone is plotting to raid the Kitchen.
Ah Jib Gor's favourite song: "1Malaysia"
2. Ah Moo Gor
This guy seems coy and slow in the draw, but not when it came to shooting down the unfortunate "1Malaysia" child.
Ah Jib Gor's deputy, Muhyiddin, is mostly glum and mum because as the deputy, you are not supposed to upstage your boss.
Political punditry has it that looks are not the test of the pudding.
And conspiracy theorists opine that someone behind is pulling the strings for him to warm the throne for a son.
This guy is not given to appending a nickname, so I have to take the liberty of conferring one upon him " Ah Moo Gor" which rather rhymes with his name.
Ah Moo Gor's favourite song:"I'm a Malay first"
3. Ah Ma (Gor)
He was supposed to have retired, but nobody is as as active as he is - giving more than his share of two cents and a penny.
Political experts say that he is the one who pulls the strings behind the scene and that the rest are all just puppets stringed to dance to his will.
Few dare deny that when he talks, the Umno guys all sit up and listen, including Ah Jib himself.
It would have been nice to call Mahathir "Ah Ma Gor" to rhyme with his name but good manners dictate that for a more senior person, "brother" may be a bit rude and reducing.
So perhaps we shall go for the shorter and more sassy "Ah Ma" although it sounds like "grandmother" in Hokkien.
Ah Ma's favourite song: "I do it my way"
For all Malaysians care, Ah Jib can go on jibbing and Ah Moo, mooing.
And Ah Ma, maing.
Perhaps all three can sing as a fearsome trio, jibbing, mooing and maing.